Well another day of feeling like complete crap! I'm serious this shit feels like it's never going to end! It's a fucking nightmare! I want to wake up from this god damn bad dream! I miss my old life when I was happy, jolly, and had a sense of humor. Now it's like I'm just always in a flat mood or pissed off! It just sucks. Anyways I'm getting worse day by day it feels like, I keep feeling lost. When I leave my house it's worse, like when I go somewhere that I've been to a million times I feel like I don't know how to get back home, and I think the directions in my head over and over again, I even write them down or text them to myself just to be sure I didn't forget. Yeah I didn't forget but why do I feel like I did? I'm afraid my brain is dying, I'm afraid I'm losing brain cells. I'm afraid I will go into a coma, or wait what if I'm in one and this is just a dream?So many thoughts are in my mind that it drives me nuts. I miss the me who never though just did. I was happy and jolly and was up for anything now my "fear and my weird feelings" get in the way of just about anything in my life. My realtionships with people are falling apart, nobody can stand to be around me. They tell me I'm selfish but the truth is I'm not I'm just really afraid I will feel this way forever, or something so bad is going to be wrong with me. This is a fucking nightmare. I just don't know what to think anymore, or what to do. Like I said in my last post I got put on Zoloft back towards the end of July and I still have not tried it. I'm afraid it will cause some crazy ass side effects or something, and I'm not trying to have that, but wait what if it does help me? I still have not decided what to do. I just wish my life was better.
Also the guy in Florida is turning into a jerk! I think he is like every other man known on this face of earth! He is a scum bag! He is a liar! He told me he had 2 kids when we first started talking,which was in May, then told me he had 3 then well the other day he tells me he has 4 and he is a handicap 10 year old. Who lies about that?? I mean really, then hes been not talking to me and ignoring me. He told me that he had all these feelings for me, and stuff and now hes like not talking to me? Like really wtf? He ignores my text and my calls then tried to lie and say hes sleeping or busy really. I just can't believe anymore of his stupid ass lies! I told him off a few times and before to long I'm just going to tell him to forget about me. He is trying to get me right where he wants me and I'm not going to lie it's working!
Ahh so random but I'm home alone and my mom said she wouldn't be gone long well shes been going awhile and I feel like I'm going to go crazy! I can't get ahold of her! She must have left her damn phone in the car.ugggh, awesome here comes a panic attack.
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